Today is the Family day in our school, with the grand finals of Campus Idol. Actually I’m just thinking what really happened after this day. I’m assigned in one of the games because I’m a member of one of the club in charge for the program, but in the morning I’m in the accommodation, it was a very hot place, many Vitamin D because we are in the place here the sun rays are direct to us.
This day also particularly this afternoon there was a meeting for the parents of juniors and seniors for the said JS promenade, because the students decided to have it, than nothing. So the parents talked about it, while the students are busy with the said Campus Idol. The planned activities are there will be games for the family and in the lunch time, there will be a feast, the parents will bring foods and share it with one another, but this did not happen, they have their own lunch, but me I did not eat rice, I just ate a chicken burger courtesy of Jollibee. Then everything next is a missing page of my memory, it just happened that life is not complete will all the facts that are happening to person’s life.
About the said Campus Idol, it is my first time to watch it. I failed to watch the auditions, because in the first audition I’m not in the school, and the second addition I’m in the biotech lab preparing an agar for our activities. Then it just so happen that I can not live with out criticizing the contestants, I criticize their costume, then there was a ticket votes and as I remember it will the 50% of the result. Then I went home late, and tired, but it is not a reason to sleep early.
After all the frustrations, it will be a very nice afternoon even the evening.
Meetings are allowed and needed. Everyone one is busy for the coming Family day. But still we need to attend the daily life of a student. Today we transfer the bacteria from test tube to Petri dish. I think it is one of our tests, but still there are still many things to happen, like investigating with the missing coin back. Actually somebody get it, there was a project from DepEd the name is “Barya para sa Eskwela”, our section is very supportive with it, but this afternoon we just noticed that it is gone, so we need to have an emergency meeting for it and for the coming family day. We just have few classes today, some of the vacant time I use it for sleeping, because now, it is really hard for me to sleep every night, symptoms of insomnia.
My life is not just there; my life needs to rotate in very corner and circles. It was a yes and it was not a no. I’m very happy with this; it will be a secret of life and death, another reason why to be happy, the return of Kyle XY, season three, if I’m not mistaken.
This week will be a very hazardous one, as a member of English club, which is mainly in charge of the coming family day (January 30). We have another meeting this afternoon. And we just have few assignments; things are going to be critical. And everything can not be called life if there is no problem.
A 70% of isopropyl alcohol or laceration is the only options to put an end.
70% of isopropyl alcohol
FORMULATION:
Each 100 mL contains 70 mL alcohol
APPLICATION:
For disinfectant, sterilization, body
Massage, relief 9f prickly heat, insect
bites, hygienic purposes, after shave
splash on, general antiseptic
DIRECTION:
Pour small amount into hands and rub
Freely or use cotton, gauze or swab
And apply directly to skin.
PRECAUTIONS:
Do not swallow or use near eyes. For
Children, use under adult supervision.
Keep tightly capped and store at
Temperature not exceeding 30ºC
FLAMMABLE
Laceration is an easier way, just get something sharp and try to slice it into your wrist, the commonly used thing here is blade. This time I want to die, I want to die, honestly. Suicide is my only escaped. Not really it is just my hunger for love. The unopened bottle is an empty bottle, like me I do not have anything. I’m just a simple trash in this society. And know I’m lacerating. And I enjoy doing this thing.
The champion!!! It was a nice day of curvature and sympathy. I cried for a trash, a song that tells me about my past, a trashed friendship. I learned not to make friend with the whole mind. The day of declamation, it is not that I expect, but I did not do my plan, when I stepped on the stage and started to declaim, I forgot myself and started to talk and to act. I’m really crazy. I’m already tired of simple acts and works. I’m not a strong person, not as expected of a thin man like me.
Start of the week not complete, I mean the section is not complete again. We just have few assignments but we need to accomplish our research now. Due date and lay out for tarpaulin are needed. I never cried in such small things, I’m the type of person that will not rally demand for a friendship; I’m not the one who takes the incentive to talk. I never knew what I’m going to prioritize; I do not know what I’m going to treasure. Who will think that I will be thinking a lot of things about what happened, a trashed friendship, a forbidden idea of dieing? Why does people need to be involved in social relationships? Why do I need to trust somebody that will just lead me to the chaotic side of my life?
I’m not really feeling well, I’m so sick of everything. i can not think properly. I need enough of rest but I can not. I can not sleep. I think I have insomnia again. It will be a long treatment again.
This week is very fabulous like what happened to our English class/speech class we have an oration and declamation, then next week we will the reverse one. The former orators will declaim and vise versa. We already receive our pieces, and it will be thing coming Monday. The title of the piece is Champion, it is about the conversation of Satan and God, the piece is like this:
God the Father turned His head,
His tears announcing Christ was dead.
The ten counts would proclaim the battle’s end
Then Satan trembled through His sweat in unexpected horror;
Yet as God started to count by saying
“TEN”/ Hey wait a minute God;
“NINE”/ stop you’re counting wrong!
“EIGHT”/ His eyes are moving!
“SEVEN”/ His fingers are twitching
“SIX”/ where’s all the light coming from
“FIVE”/ he’s alive
“FOUR”/ oh, no!
“THREE”/”TWO”/ oh, yes!
He has won! He was won!
He’s alive forever more.
I like the piece, because it will need a lot of acting, so I’m very excited with it. Our teacher in Filipino was basic, so it is back to normal. And this week we had our practical test in Biotechnology. Then next week will be start of our semi-finals, a practical test also.
Today is shortened period, it means that the regular one hour will be just thirty minutes, this was fun. This is to give way for the campus idol part 2, for the freshmen and sophomores, but luckily I did not watch it, because we need to prepare the set-ups for the biotechnology practical test. We prepare the agars and the test tubes with agars, we need to slant it, and to inoculate, but we did not, because we are run out of time, because we are playing some games in the laptops. Then we have some mess up, breaking the beaker and the Erlenmeyer flask. Actually there are still more like the carton that is starting to fire, because we need to sterilize the materials we need to put it inside the pressure cooker, as we off the electric stove, we transferred it to the carton to cool it down, but due to the temperature the carton started to create a smoke.
Then there is a new thing on my life, a new mission, mission of life, I will be serious with this, finally it is legal. At last I will do everything for it.
Second day of the periodic test, it was general cleaning in the afternoon. But I did not return in the afternoon because of my health (I just have a headache but I needed a rest, so I went home to have a sleep).
Return to the periodic test, we just have three tests for this day but the scheduled was four, first Chemistry, Physics, Filipino and MAPEH, but we just have Chemistry, Filipino and MAPEH (health and music). So the rest time is used for everything we want to do. In the afternoon are general cleaning and the planned meeting of the parents of the fourth year students regarding to our a. Juniors-seniors Promenade, b. Research Congress, c. Graduation Exercises, and d. Graduation/class/batch Picture of the graduating class. Honestly I’m not favor of the said promenade, but if time will ask for it I will be joining. If the majority of my classmates are going to join, I will join; I will just base my decision to my environment. I hate this day, I hate it to the fullest, I don’t want top see them, the people who let me down, they can not think that everything is precious, we need some freedom, freedom that was not given to us because of this situation, because of this hell.
Let’s return to the tests. Because I did not study that well the tests were some what difficult. But we have a long recess to study and chat with non-sense things. We review for the health because it is the last test after recess. After every passed their test paper it is time to relax and wait for the result, that fortunately a result that is full of mystery.
We need to divert the topic to my suicide note.
I’m so depress, may be because this tiring day, and this miserable day. I hate this day. Everything will be just a dream of life and death. May be I will not have a sweet dream, because I prepare a nightmare than a stupid sweet dream. A sweet dream will just let you hope of those impossible things; at least a night mare will show the truth, the truth of pain and hopelessness. I prepare to die, than to see your pathetic face. I hate seeing pathetic organisms. I will never hope of those things that you are hoping to. It will never be a reality, never. Never. Never. Why are you staring at me in that way? Why? You do not have the right. You don’t know me either. You don’t know my whole life, Life of sacrifices and despair. You’re not experiencing how to be disregarded, not valued of what you did, even do it is not favor of you (even do it is a good thing), and I’m always the wrong one, why do I have this image to you? You don’t know the feeling of being left alone, left behind the high walls of you dark room, you do not know what is the feeling of hearing the sound of death. May you’re not yea\t making a suicide notes. And now I know no one can save me from this swamp of darkness. Just laugh, that is the best and worst thing that you can do, you won’t help me either. Just abandon me; I know that is what you are thinking right now. Everyone is tired of me, but do not give me the heavy pressure. I will never turn my head back, just to see you’re smiling face while I’m here, in this chaotic world. It sounds sarcastic, but my phantasms will never b the same form the old one. I stopped from dreaming a sweet dream; I will just accept all the night mares that I will have, I will start to forget everything about this stupid things. I will not hope anymore, I don’t want to be disappointed. I will never let that I will sacrifice in the way that I will just be hurt. So stupid, it won’t bother you, I never been comparable with a group of people, I never been accepted with no worries. I will go away with out these happy memories because I do not have any. I will never be happy like you, I will just stay in this mirror to copy the image in front of me, but time will come it will be gone, because you need t move, and no one will stand over me again.
First time in the history, today is the first day of our periodic test (like what I told in my last post). The scheduled number of exams is four but we just have three, we do not have the exam in elective (biotechnology class only). We just have the tests or exams in English IV, Mathematics IV: Calculus, and Social Studies: Economics, after the exam we decided to go to the school canteen, upon going there our planned activities for this day was change, instead of continuing the experiment this afternoon, we started continuing it.
It was a very long time before we went home. It is already past two in the afternoon. By the way it is the second screening, so there are so many elementary graduating students, some are from my school in elementary, and I know one of the examinees.
Added event: yaoi is a type of anime where the protagonist are both male, they love each other but they are both straight. It is nice genre, but not all like it. But how about if one thing will just happen that will lead to a nothing. What the hell. That is the funny thing. There is nothing important, like an accidental kiss of both male; actually I did not react because it was not push through in the first place. My photo copy in one subject was lost, then my classmate who got it, returned it. Because I need to move fast I stand fast and walk fast, and I did not notice that my classmate is there and then it is almost there, then he moved away (actually he is the only one who noticed it). Then our section took the exam again.
…
As I went home, I just walk then when I’m walking I saw my classmates first the same person, he is fixing his documents regarding his collage, then my classmate who get my photocopy and my former classmate (one of the students who dropped) and the last one is in the polar (commercial building). Then I went home, when I reach home I just change my clothes then sit at the front of the computer until dinner, then I stop for a moment then watch the television and returned to the computer, then stop again, because I watched the movie: “Ang Cute ng Ina mo”. Actually its genre is drama-comedy, the theme is family. So I’m sort of interested.
…
This is very random, which comes first. I’m dreaming of some thing impossible, something that is not here, something that will not come. So what if I will just waste everything in waiting, at least tried to wait. Goodbye or farewell? What is the difference, and then tell me what the most appropriate thing is for you.
Review and study, these are the things we need to do, for the first ever thing that will happen to our whole life in this school, the first day of our periodic test is tomorrow (Friday, January 16) and the second day is next week (Monday, January 19). The days are separated. So we have a very long time to study for the next exams or test. We had a very nice thing today, we have a case like cutting classes, we had two hours of elective (biotechnology), and we failed to attend the next class (Health). We are finished but it is already 1o minutes before time. We had an experiment, but it is just the first part. Sterilizing and making the agar, but it is not an agar, three groups used the wrong thing (our group is included there) so we planned to repeat it tomorrow. Since it is half day, we can use the time in the afternoon. We went to the lab this 4:00 pm, to clean the equipments and sterile it again, and I get also my notebook that was used to elevate the test tube containing the agar (but is not the real agar, it is used by mixing it to agar).
Realization is always at the end. Like losing everything will have a great realization at the end, like hoping something or somebody to return to you for great depressions. Now I can feel that thing, waiting for something or somebody, even do it is not sure if it will happen. In short I’m just a very idiot that waiting for a dream to come true. So stupid, I can nit think of it that I will come to this point. After rejecting all the things that person did for the sake of closure, I just waste the chance, but it is just okay I’m not after that, because I want it now. When I want it, it is the time when it is not there. When ever I’m happy they want me to cry.
Like a hidden valley, time will come and it will be discovered, like a problem it will be solved. Like what I said, “I will just wait the time that when we see each other she will great me regarding of the unfinished issue”. Not literally I can do things those are expected. Still the unexpected will come and it will ruin or solve the situation. Good luck to all students that will take their exams tomorrow, especially to us, seniors and also to the coming freshmen 2009-2010, it is the second screening tomorrow. And it will be held in the afternoon. So just like a falling star in the sky, I will never fall but I will continue to fly not only to your eyes but also to your mind and dreams.
Tomorrow I will try to add some spice in my life. I will not fix the unfixed things, but I will build new things for a new time. Trials for you is not a serious thing, it is not minor thing, just trying to provoke nothing, just to make it miserable all the times. I will just bring disaster to everyone.
Everyday we have many experiences. With every moment there are the possibilities that we change a lot. Just think of the progress that every human can have progress for the way he wants to live. But the obstacles will always be there, not only to stop us but also to make us not only stronger but stronger. Last weekends (January 10-11) I used my time for projects or requirements, first the play and the second is the project. We used that day to prepare ourselves for the coming performance, we ate there and a lot. But many things happened before it reach, like entering to our room by using the window. The window of our rooms is with grills, so it will be hard if you will enter here, but due to needs we need to enter there, and I’m the chosen one to do that, I enter to the small whole. And this day after starting it with the flag ceremony 9our section is the in charge for this week), it was followed by the preparation and the actual play. Then the following events are disasters. Life can not be that so easy, every one triumph is equal to thousands of failures. Now life is still moving on, moving until reach the corner where I will need to have a detour. We do not have that much assignment for this day, so it will be a resting night, free to do things, but it is always in the plan, Plan of living in chaos, so problematic over the matters. Just acting to be nothing, but deep inside there is a very big problem.
These days I’m trying to waste my time in doing unnecessary stuffs, which I like to do. So I’m still experimenting on things around me, and making life that hard for me, hard to sustain the balance of dark and light.
Today is a day of excellence, excellence because of all the glory that human can receive even do they don’t deserve it. It is my first time to edit a picture in the Adobe Photoshop, so I’m experimenting with things while learning with it, but let’s talked about the life on school, life of a graduating student, so research is always in the air. But we need other things; we start the day with a quiz in our Natural Science IV: Physics 2, then a practice for the English class (practice for our play this coming Monday, but it is really scheduled today). Then we have a short discussion and recitation in our elective subject, and then we do not have Social Studies (our teacher failed to attend, because she taught of different schedule, but she came this afternoon thinking that it is her time to us). Then lunch, after that is Research, we just continue the unfinished topics, then it was followed by Chemistry 2, that is reporting regarding the experimentation yesterday and the submission of the lab report, then Calculus, it is very hard, because I’m sleepy. And when I started doing the activity I’m really crazy, it seems to be that it will bring me to another world of chaos. After that is the one hour vacant, we just chat and read the school paper, because it was already issued to us. Yes, the last school papers for this school. Then we did not have our flag ceremony, but we will return to school tomorrow because this is the venue of our practice for the play. But at home I’m still reading the book and playing with the Photoshop. And I will express my emotions through dreams.
We need to pass a project today, but it seems to be that only few tried to, and ever since our teacher is not here, they do not have the force to make it. I went home early, but in my home it was traffic there was a parade for the celebration of the Black Nazarene. My world was covered by a dark cloud, in that dark cloud I saw my past with the most treasured moment, when I was in the state of deciding where to go… the road between the two paths.
After the long time of vacation, today the allowances are back. It is the resume of the classes. We started it with a flag ceremony then after that is a little general cleaning because of the long vacation no one is cleaning the campus, so it took the first subject (but it usual every Monday). Then we just use some of our time to check the unchecked examination papers, due to the Christmas vacation. We chatted about what we have done last vacation, and talked of the things left behind. But most of the things are going uneasy; it is not what stated in the script, rules are still in the ground to be strictly followed. Still the fight is its highest point. We have again home works, and then we need to review for our examination in Chemistry 2, because we did not have it last year. Then things will be fast after these days, the month of March is near so our graduation is near already, we will now enter our new level of life, new monsters to encounter in that adventure, new friends to meet, and new powers to be revealed and discovered.
Finally, it is over, the vacation already reach the last day, so bad. For sure, I will have some hang over about it. I don’t want to return to school. I wish the vacation will be extended, but it is very impossible.
Tomorrow will be a day of chat and topics about what happened to our vacation. Share the happiness, but still we need to face the coming events like the two major things, defense of the research project and graduation. We need to be serious about our next school year, we will have a mountain of papers for the many things we need to do, request, scratch, draft, test paper, consent, paper, clearance, activity sheets, notebooks, projects, and etc. soon it will be ended also, but this end is not where to stop, but in this end where to start a bigger world. Go!!! Go!!! Go!!! Everybody we can do everything, so let’s try our best, let’s be happy and serious over the matters.
We had a two weeks Christmas vacation, so it will be a happy thing. First after our party, we had an overnight to my classmate’s house. But it is just the start of busy and tiring life all-over this vacation. The very next day I went home early because I will attend a wedding. But I just follow because I still took a bath then went to the wedding, in the wedding I saw a friend from my former elementary school MaragondonParochial School, MPS, because the bride is a teacher in that school. I saw my former teachers in that school, but don’t mind them. After the wedding and after the program (the flower and garter thing) we went home already, then as we arrived I went directly to my room (it is about 12 pm), then I slept then I woke up 5 something, the funny thing there is when I arrived at home before the wedding I told my mother that I have enough sleep, but still I need to catch up with my stress and return the lost sleep. But is just the start because the whole two weeks I’m sleeping late, then I will woke-up 8 am (I don’t know but I’m always awaken at that time) except for December 25, because we will attend the mass so it is early. The Christmas day it was fun. We had a picture taking moments in my grandparent’s house. But it is not the same as the past Christmas of my life, the Christmas today is not that energetic, it is some what boring. But it is just okay. Then a very high jump It is already New year goodbye or farewell 2008 we will now embrace 2009 to face the new challenges of life. We have a fountain and simple fire cracker but luckily no one was harmed so. I slept 3 am something. But it is just okay because we continue everything in that morning, we had a movie marathon of Jet Li and another nice movie the title is Death Race. Then today it is January 3 an adventure is done, life that is very meaningless is still here. And the resume of the classes is near so a new evil force will arise from the darkness to fully stop the agent of light of scattering hope of new world with peace.
New Year is normally associated with the new beginning and especially New Year’s resolution, the things you want to happen and the things you want to change. But for me it is just annoying that you will make a list and promise or say that you will do everything in the list, then at the end of the year the list is just a piece of paper or trash. You did not accomplish the list. So it is better not to make so there is nothing to be worried, but is a fun thing to do, you will try to change your bad characteristics and improve the good one. But what if the people around you, are pushing you to do bad things? What will you do? That is the big challenge of life; the question is if you will take the good path or the bad path. For me it is necessary to be happy for everything that you are doing whether it is good or bad, but it will be better if you will take the good path. Just try and feel the presence above.
So let’s start a new thing for a better future. But these things are just a mess with a disaster, because the fact is that what are happening are the unexpected ones. Very irrelevant for the real meaning of the whole passage that will be destroy by the storm.
Just try our best to change everything, either of its side. Let’s develop our physical, mental, and spiritual life. Don’t just plant it let it grow and bloom in the prosperity of life. Take the way of your dream, way of failure to success. Because there will be always an obstacle in our way.
Just pray for everyone. Not only for the one we love but also the one we hates. It is important to grow as a normal human. Human that can react in different situations. As the fire grows from the candle, the candle is starting to melt. As the melted part flows down a past was viewed, Past of happiness and sadness. And I realize that life is necessarily compost of everything, things that we hate and we loved. Don’t just treasure one thing, treasure everything in this world.
i'm a simple boy with a great dreams!!! loves to cut finger!!! hahahaha!!! Dieing is not enough to escape the reality, because we do not have the right to escape.
